Waiting

Waiting for you to come
it’s been 9 months
but in this moment
it feels longer than a lifetime
like many of them
all bunched up
a slinky in a box
waiting to expand
and when you do
it will be like
another universe
unfolding
tiny and large
all at the same time
like the spindle that
ran ceaselessly in my head
at 6 years old
forcing me to
sleep with my mother
making her worry
if her child was alright
or if anyone would ever
sleep soundly
again–

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Birds

The birds were flying everywhere
They came to me in
An email
“Come
Flock to bbg
And see what we have to offer your
Chickadees”
So we showered
And dressed
And drove to
Hear a story badly told
Our roost
Moving quickly to the nest building table
Two brown eggs were made
Symbolizing the dove’s creative and feminine energies
And arriving back home
There were two pruning
Sitting on my fire escape
Red bellies
I took a few pics and sent them to my dad
He said very surely they are
Doves
My totem
For femininity
Birth
Prophecy
A day of
Messages to let us know
We’re right where we belong
And
You are right here with us
The freedom
To be ourselves
And keep going

You

You are probably
the 3rd person to suggest, no-
FORCE the idea into my existence that
this is what my new life will be
a life you don’t have much to do with
except through your looking glass
the life you are not growing at all.
it’s not your body
it’s not your place to say
I would assume
you know much better than this
3 ladies
one
two
three–
what gives you the right to
even think
you can think
about what goes inside the womb
this womb
that does not belong to you?
having dreams
solving mysteries
predicting
as if it’s all some fun, early evening
game show…?
I’d like to be left alone
the quietude of my tan blanket
and new sheets
warmth of the surrounding material
encapsulating my skinny bones
my threadbare arms
my naked feet
waiting for the gift to come
some silence
and then
you–

New 

Standing at the 

Precipice 

of eternity 

Once again

I catch a glimpse into 

Your big tiny heart 

Wondering what 

collective name we will give

You

What heaven you will come from 

What star will you

Tell the story of 

What footprint 

Will you leave 

When your page

Is written 

When your work 

is finally done? 

Beach Ball

Listening to you
repeat every word I say
like it’s all new
it is new
it’s so
so
so very new to you
you pick up a piece and say red
it’s yellow
you pick up another piece
it’s yellow
you say yellow
the claymation on the screen
as I type this
says
“koo koo”
it’s Russian for
peek a boo
I didn’t understand why
until I heard you repeat it
(so much easier for babies)
and here we are
day after day
week after week
month after month
nearing the 2 year mark
and you are everything I hoped for
everything I dreamed of
more than I could have imagined
as we awaken another morning
rest unto another night
looking forward with glistening eyes
thanking the Lord
for another day here
to live in peace
and as much harmony
as my small mind
commands
as I will allow myself to feel
on this little
round
blue ball
called
Earth–

 

Little peep.

You’re beginning to understand.
You have eyes for seeing and
Hands for touching
And a bunch of vocal cords for
Screaming your little head off when you don’t get what you want.
I see the clear, drippy boogers
Dripping from your nose
Drip
Drip
Drip
I wipe, wipe, wipe….
What did the book say again about getting you to calm
The frig
Down?
I try it all.
I think it’s working…
And then a soft lullaby
And some little o crackers
Munch munch munch
Then off to sleep.
I love you so much….
My little
Baby
Peep.

Sacred noise

Watching you roll around
on the floor
screaming your lungs
out
in joy–
I relish in your small
movements
I cherish all the
sacred noise–

Try

The hormones
completely out of whack
swinging from one mood
to the next
I’m definitely swaying this way
I think
and then twenty minutes later
so close to the other–
What do I truly believe
I want to know
and how much of this is just
THAT
the weaning process never
spoken about
never acknowledged on the news
never covered in circles
unless you’re a mom
among other moms
and then it’s still such
a shameful act
we don’t talk
we just suffer in silence
behind closed doors
with signs that say:
DO NOT ENTER
both physically and
yet emotionally it is
the hardest damn pill to
swallow
And still I’m expected to go work
to perform
to pretend to care
to teach
Rascals
and rats
who I forget are someone else’s
children too–
And when I do remember that they
belong to you
I’m fearful that might happen to me
and us
and why and how
could it happen?
Will it happen?
Only time will tell–
And in the meantime I
pray to you
Dear Lord
to give me strength
to show me what to do
to remind me to have faith in you
that this challenge is just another lesson
and I can really make it if I try
Try
Try
Try

To Write

how is it that
i have not written a poem
in so many days
they pass
like whispers in the wind
disappear like cats
underneath the house
blackness enveloping
my soon to be carcass
if i do not take the moment
to stop
to breathe
to write–

Trapped

Trapped in this
four block radius
I want to see what lies beyond
I want to take you there
so you can see–