Waiting

Waiting for you to come
it’s been 9 months
but in this moment
it feels longer than a lifetime
like many of them
all bunched up
a slinky in a box
waiting to expand
and when you do
it will be like
another universe
unfolding
tiny and large
all at the same time
like the spindle that
ran ceaselessly in my head
at 6 years old
forcing me to
sleep with my mother
making her worry
if her child was alright
or if anyone would ever
sleep soundly
again–

Women’s Circle

Standing in a women’s circle 

in June of 2012

I stood across from you 

knowing that you would be my mentor 

on the beginning of this new 

and long journey 

You gifted me a soft pink, white and 

wine colored pashmina scarf

The ones they sell on tables

in the city 

on cold corners

to passersby who decide to stop and peruse

You told me as you handed it to me

it was gifted to you

when you were pregnant

by a woman

who had recently given birth 

and little did I know then 

and for years to come 

how this would be the beginning of a 

very long cycle 

of birthing and rebirthing 

both physically, emotionally 

and spiritually 

for me 

and for us 

My little Victoria is here 

and now comes another 

Sweet angel

who picked me 

who was handed down to me 

by the divine

to watch over and guide

my internal

Mother Earth 

Creating 

Healing 

Gifting 

all

the 

time–

Bake

Picturing you 

A dream 

Awake

The kind of child

I will always love

The kind of womb 

That takes its time

The kind of creation

That crinkles in the eyes 

A love supreme 

A masterpiece 

Divine–

Missing Poems

Forgot to write a poem today
the buzzing in my veins
forbids me from sitting down
getting grounded
or letting go
So please Creator
see this feeble attempt
at expression a reminder
of my unwavering dedication to you
and that all I should do
be in reverence to you
the divine force
the heartbeat
the baby in the mother’s womb–

Beach Ball

Listening to you
repeat every word I say
like it’s all new
it is new
it’s so
so
so very new to you
you pick up a piece and say red
it’s yellow
you pick up another piece
it’s yellow
you say yellow
the claymation on the screen
as I type this
says
“koo koo”
it’s Russian for
peek a boo
I didn’t understand why
until I heard you repeat it
(so much easier for babies)
and here we are
day after day
week after week
month after month
nearing the 2 year mark
and you are everything I hoped for
everything I dreamed of
more than I could have imagined
as we awaken another morning
rest unto another night
looking forward with glistening eyes
thanking the Lord
for another day here
to live in peace
and as much harmony
as my small mind
commands
as I will allow myself to feel
on this little
round
blue ball
called
Earth–

 

Only Had

You told me to read this
when I have time
a lot of time
it’s really long
and with that I knew
I had to
right now–
And so the writer tells us
of a time
in which he lost consciousness
after being pummeled during a football
game
for what seemed like many, many years.
He married, had children
and played with them often
loved them always.
There was a lamp he discussed
that he looked at from
time to time
and as time passed
the lamp began to take a new shape
look a little off
not seem to be right–
Until eventually
one day
the lamp
and its base
completely took on a new form
and here he was
again
lying
on the ground
no wife
no children
no sweet faces to kiss goodnight
and so
he was depressed
for 3 whole
years
realizing
then
that there is More
to this life
and others
we think we might
be living
just one
disconnect
and you lose
gain
all that you
thought
you
truly
only

had–

heart strings

the cycle will begin again
I mean
it keeps on going
the months have passed
two to be exact
and I have watched your little face grow
your cheeks have become plumper again
and your little eyes have gotten wider
brighter
fuller
smarter
I can tell that you know just a little bit more
about how this world works
fascinated by its invisible strings
watching all the while and learning
how we do things
but I know
down there in your new, pink heart
you’re the one with all the secrets
with all the knowledge of the universe
and you have me
my heart
on its own puppet strings
you pull those cords
and I come running
and I will
forever.

and there you go

On the eve of the eve of the eve etc. etc. etc.

of your birthday

(we’ve got some more days to go!)

I contemplate what life was like last year

these days

today

tomorrow and the next

day

on my couch I lay

big and round and full of life

squatting for posterity

and praying for eternal breath

we all waited for you

the precious shining moment

the gift of God returned

and here we are again

full Gregorioan circle

I chant your name once more

Victoria Rose

and there you go

bloom —

baby

Finally the day is over

I can rest and weep and pray 

In silence

I can leap and sit and crawl

Like a baby 

As I watch my 

Baby 

Be a baby 

Baby 

Baby.

Go Bloom

in the blackest darkness
i see your tiny face
my eyes adjust
and the blue around your eyes
becomes magnified.
in this embrace
i feel you are back in the womb
and together
with mother earth
we make the world
go
bloom.