Waiting

Waiting for you to come
it’s been 9 months
but in this moment
it feels longer than a lifetime
like many of them
all bunched up
a slinky in a box
waiting to expand
and when you do
it will be like
another universe
unfolding
tiny and large
all at the same time
like the spindle that
ran ceaselessly in my head
at 6 years old
forcing me to
sleep with my mother
making her worry
if her child was alright
or if anyone would ever
sleep soundly
again–

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I choose love

wandering the streets of NYC
I have a plan
to not have a plan
I slowly float over tiny brown puddles
waiting for you to get out of my way
sorry that was mean
I mean, I’m letting you pass first
stuck in between a black wrought iron fence
and a tiny yellow dandelion
I choose love
Yes,
I choose love–

Beach Ball

Listening to you
repeat every word I say
like it’s all new
it is new
it’s so
so
so very new to you
you pick up a piece and say red
it’s yellow
you pick up another piece
it’s yellow
you say yellow
the claymation on the screen
as I type this
says
“koo koo”
it’s Russian for
peek a boo
I didn’t understand why
until I heard you repeat it
(so much easier for babies)
and here we are
day after day
week after week
month after month
nearing the 2 year mark
and you are everything I hoped for
everything I dreamed of
more than I could have imagined
as we awaken another morning
rest unto another night
looking forward with glistening eyes
thanking the Lord
for another day here
to live in peace
and as much harmony
as my small mind
commands
as I will allow myself to feel
on this little
round
blue ball
called
Earth–

 

Wrapping

Kneeling and
praying at your
lilac casket
I felt for a few
soft moments
your spirit arms
wrap around me
and around me
and around me
and
around
me–

Bubs

What is it,
you,
little child,
are trying to tell me?
with your flowery lips
pursed as a kiss
instantly coupled
with a curt, shrill cry?
wet bottom
empty stomach
need to be loved?
I’ll gladly do all three
in a row,
over and over and over and over
again
for you bubs–

Saturday Morning Sleeping

Everyone is sleeping–
My dear husband on the coffee
colored bed, white shirt, blue shorts,
black socks,
hands tucked under the same coffee
colored pillow–
Resting, eyes glued for a short matter of time
slight smile of surrender to
the neediness of sleep–

Black cat in a c shape on the lilac floor
Cute button nose
She can sleep for hours and hours
hidden underneath red blankets
in hot or cold weather
We know she’s there
Her disappearing act
not quite working–

Baby
Small fragile baby in her white slated crib
the same lavender lilac adorning her sheets
the only one who is slightly stirring
her need for food not regulated yet
She can’t go hungry
Dreaming of the outer space whence she came from
Recalling the secrets she had to leave behind
Filing them away for another day of de ja vu
Communicating with another source
The umbilical cord still being cut
Slowly but surely she’ll be one of us soon
and her alien blood will almost but all disappear
hiding like a husband or a cat on the floor–

The Mother

I forgot about the four aspects
of the mother
That mahakali will come in with
her fire and tear you down
really fast
so fast
your head and body and soul
Would suddenly be splitting in fours
no direction
no faith
no sound thinking
egoistic suffering
weeping in isolation
for days
and then
with one decision
your simple decision of
surrender
again
The fire dies down
the smoke begins to clear
the haze starts to lift
and we are left with
a calm, beautiful light
a freedom we couldn’t remember
a faith that we thought we’d never shake
an understanding that we are at her whim
and a solemn recognition that
she will
never
ever
ever
not take
care of us
The
Mother–

Sleep

You’re sleeping now
I see your eyelids move
I wonder what you’re dreaming of
Your tiny hand rests on the
lavender sheet
waiting to meet you
and greet you with a soft cotton pull
A thread that comforts
A tie that binds your rest
to my chest
to my overflowing
gigantic
pumping
love filled
Heart–

A New Path

Reading plastic books to you
begins our life long journey
of bright lit rainbows
kaleidoscope eyes
funny jack-o-lanterns
and mythical cries–
What I hope you’ll see
dear little one
is that it’s all for you
(And sometimes me)
and you could have the entire
blue ocean
The lush green plains
The ancient stoic mountains
Every shining smiling star in the sky
But alas–
They are already yours
And I just plucked your twinkling
tiny butt out
of
it
to guide you
on a
new
path–

Tiny One

Angelic face
You wash away my past lives
like rain drop water
on ice cream streets
Watching you sleep
returns me to peace
A soul descended
only for me–