Red Mask

Red Mask
Costa Rica
A coast I’ve never been
starting back at me
morbid eyes
Glistening open
Listening closed
How many more minutes
’til we wake up cold
wet
tired
defeated
unthinking
but somehow
changed–

Words

Pretending to use words
that mean something
as if I’m really looking at and using the words
properly
in a way that exudes meaning
in a way that what I’m feeling actually
makes you feel something too
squinting at the computer screen
as I type
I try to mimic the flow of energy in my heart
and mind
and body
and soul
and yet the words escape me
the thoughts move too quickly
as soon as they arise and I manage to make some sense
the rest has gone and a new crop has risen
what do I need to do to keep the words so close
so near
to hope that they stay
as a child against her mother
her leg hard as a rock
or solid as a stone
the cliches last forever
the archetypes continue to ring true
what has been lost was actually freely given to you
and so I ask the words to please be soft and new
I pray that you will understand to be coarse to is to be false
and to ask for forgiveness always
even if the words don’t come out right
at first–

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Past the Daisy Age and Shakes

okay
okay
okay
so they said historic as you were making history
with your eBay selling
and countdown trajectory
we waited and watched you fill out
the small bubbles with pencils
looking intermittently at the clock
for snow
for fall
for rain
for summer sweat and sweets and back again
“No one came?” I heard you say
or gasp–
the times have changed…
we didn’t need you to graduate
or this to save face–
what will you do
when you’ve fallen from grace?
No Saturday tutoring or soft, tiny place–
I will keep you forever
little stars and silver fate
I will cherish you forever
past the empty envelopes and
cake–
past the shredded paper and waste
past the pilling in the laundry
past the daisy age and shakes–

A new dawn, new day

Forgetting the universal

I’ve been riding on the individual plane

for too long

thinking only of myself

I began to sink

wondering why

as my arms flailed

slowly drowning I

saw the lifeboat passing through

my finger the last limb

to reach you

The message now so abundant and clear

I needed to open my mind once again

The top chakra blossoming to unfold

a beautiful lavender lotus flower

The rain welcome to grow

this beautiful

me–

Into your dreams

Dreaming of you
and your beige colored suit
I love you in ways
you cannot imagine
From sunrise to sunset
On my way walking down the
frosty, snow covered streets
I wait for your
Magnanimous thoughts
to arise
Unfettered by the drag
routine
Undisturbed by the day to day
Samesies.
I watch you here
Sitting
My dear Victoria
You whine and moan
for reasons I do not know
and still the sound of you
Any sound
has me in awe of your
beautiful and infinite
existence
In ways like waves
I will cherish your undying
being for as long
as my consciousness allows me to
for as long as the universe will
let me into your
Sweet and
Warm
dreams–

Not to care

The stupid things you say.
I try not to take it personally
Letting it go like trash in a basket
Turning it over like pages in a
dated book
The leaves return to sender
Shifting
one season to another
reminding me that
reminding me
remind me
not to care
anymore.

You will ever know–

Watching you smile
is a such a tender joy–
it unfolds like a flower
in fast forward
enveloping me like
wrapping paper
on a bundle of Christmas toys–
We get to share this
gift with you
day after day
and moment after
quick moment
ever so gently
over and over again
tied up with a laugh
so lovely with a bow
How soon you will change
How fast you will grow
I will still love you more
than you will
ever,
ever
know–