You inspired me once
Please inspire me again
Show me how to shut the off button
And press the on to inside
Inside my soul
Inside my mind
To a place I fail to rewind to.
Lately I’ve been having these flashes
Of people, places and things-
They come ever so often
Popping in my mind these unwelcome guests
The fingers unwelcome guests in my four year old vagina
Watching cartoons while my mom and uncle talked at the kitchen table
How could you not notice that something
That I was being taken advantage of?
To put it more clearly-
That I was being molested by a family member?
His face I can’t recall
How old he was
What was his name…?
In my mind’s eye
I feel a larger body spooning behind me
A being that knows what he’s doing is sinister and wrong
But some unsatiated animal and its hunger takes hold of his decision to choose right instead
Robbing me of everything I had- eveything I could ever be- in that moment
Cheating me of any purity
Any sense or chance of a “normal”
And I always wonder
As I wonder now
how and when will any of that be rectified?
When do I get any of that freedom or joy back?
The place my soul was before the prying fingers
The robbing fingers
Took it all away–