Waiting

Waiting for you to come
it’s been 9 months
but in this moment
it feels longer than a lifetime
like many of them
all bunched up
a slinky in a box
waiting to expand
and when you do
it will be like
another universe
unfolding
tiny and large
all at the same time
like the spindle that
ran ceaselessly in my head
at 6 years old
forcing me to
sleep with my mother
making her worry
if her child was alright
or if anyone would ever
sleep soundly
again–

just for today

You make my blood boil 

Like I’ve been sitting on the stove top

My ass on fire 

Yet I refuse to get off

The martyr 

The witch 

the cold demon bitch 

I’ve been waiting inside the bones 

For decades 

For centuries 

to paralyze you in your sleep

Dreaming of ways to keep you fearful 

Wondering when the sheep skin will come off

Hoping I’ll wake up someday 

Hoping I can be happy

Even 

Just 

for 

today–

In the Sea, Christmas Time

Hanging dangling
angels from a tree
Whisper willow
secrets unto me
Hidden lights
and snowball fights
and unbeknownst
tears alight–
Walking down this
picture lane
of memories
of sights ablaze
The neighborhood
still reminds me
of all the dreams that’ll never be
of all the tiny Christmas trees
of
all
the
stars
inside
the
sea–

Memories

Ten years old
1992
Pitch black room
watching the cars
cast light shadows on the wall
I wonder who these people are
I wonder where they all are going–

Safest Beginning

As I rush home
in the cold sleet–
black hood on
feet trampling the
streets–
I savor the image
of my soft and
warm home
fuzzy yellow lights
and cuddly baby kisses
Sweet tiny kitties
and husband I miss
so much
I realize then
I’m really just running
back to the womb
running back into
what I know as the
safest and
surest
beginning–

Victoria’s First Solids

As we
mixed up the
oatmeal cereal
I sensed an odd
familiarity-
Was I remembering
when my mama
mixed it for me
or when she fed it
to my sisters?
I told you about this
and you said you
thought about something
too–
Looking at these photos
of our baby girl’s first meal
many many
years later
after our
divorce
and crying–

This is
Victoria’s first solids–

Presents

the voices in your head
they said
they said
that the whispering you heard
was about you
instead it was just
a small fraction of the universe
giving birth to itself
again and
again and
again
except you weren’t evolved enough
yet
to accept 
its 
pre
sence–

More Magic

the kitty waits
and rests in closets
as the rest rustle
and bustle around
the house
boiling water
drinking tea
talking about what
could potentially be:
should I do this
should I do that
let me show you a
picture of my
daughter in a
silly hat–
what fears remain
what joys retold
i’m sure this year
will unfold
more magic
than
ever
before–

The College Search

sitting in this warm room
where students go to meet their needs
they want to go to college
to explore their current wants and desires
I remember being in this sort of room
so many years ago
how did I know to go downstairs and
talk to the college advisor
speaking with him was cloudy
even back then
the skeletal frame of mine
short black hair
bangs
red lipstick
long gray coat with 
white fur around the collar
chipped black nail polish to boot
I was the self-proclaimed queen of
shopping by myself on 
8th street
scouring the shoe stores for a hot deal
I somehow managed to sweetly settle
into isolation without knowing there
could be something better
more manageable in terms of
learning how to love myself
by loving others
or in being of service to others
I could in it 
find myself
but now I find myself sitting here
thinking of the college search
comparing mine to theirs
knowing their journey will be just
as fruitful
because the universe wants everything
for you
for them
for itself
reflecting its ever effervescent light
to shine
up and
down
for one small second
lighting a fire 
in the dim hearts
of man–

Welcome Autumn

Summer ends
Like fireflies
Blinking in
The night
Lost as to where
They are going
Found by the lust
In a young lover’s eyes
Trust that things will be
Different this time
Faith that we’ll resurrect
In the next life–