Earthquake

thunderous breath
I can’t see out the passenger window
because my eyes are too wet
my eyes are too flooded
with the ocean of fear
of pain
of many many years
of suffering under a silent watch
no hugs
no love
quietly rioting inside.
I’ve gotten really good at pretending
that things are okay
and/or accepting that
this is the way that is has to be
as mother earth
makes way for more joy
she must destroy
her children–

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Charles Bukowski (Part 2?)

You told me not to write
unless the desire to
was burning so deep inside me
nothing else would matter
and if I had to stare at the screen,
or force myself to write,
or reread a poem to a loved one,
or try to write like someone else,
then,
just forget it…
or do something else
or
(wait patiently)
and while I personally feel like
I don’t fall into any of those categories
here I am
kind of
well,
forcing myself
to write this,
and having looked you up to
get some sort of
inspiration
to put fingers to keys
(instead of pen to paper)
I find myself writing anyway
because there’s still this burning in me
that if I don’t just
write
for whatever reason
for any reason
that light will go out
or at least
dim
down to
nothing of enough
and I don’t want
to take that chance–
I guess it’s fear
that keeps me motivated
sometimes
mostly
guised as
love
and for me
for now
that’s
just enough
for
me
that’s
quite.
allright.

Prayer

i wake up in the morning

and often I forget to give thanks–

I need to remember that 

Every breath is his

Has been given to me

A gift 

I need to be 

Thankful for

A life giving force

I must remain in 

Gratitude of

An omnipresent 

Father 

And 

Mother 

I must cherish

And humbly receive 

Daily

So, here I say 

Thank you 

Although it feels 

As if 

It’s never 

Quite

Enough–

forgetting

Forgetting to write 

Forgetting to write 

For

Getting

To

Write

I’ve almost washed away all

Memories of what I could be

Of what I wanted to be

I slow down the tap tap to 

Really think

What is it that I wanted to say

What is it that I wanted to do

Why am I really fucking here

I’m sure it’s not to make a few pennies on eBay

And yet my habit remains the same.

Please god

See this one more scribbly page

As an sos 

And forget that I kinda sorta lied

About the scribbles

Since this is typed

Not handwritten 

Like the way I want it to be

The way it should be

The way it will be

Someday….

The night has fallen

the night has fallen 

And it’s time to give you a bath.

We have already taken you out

And put you down to dry 

The pink cloth wipes your ears

And dries your eyes

You cry a bit

But now you’re dressed 

Lights off

All is dark except the tiny sweet light

From your nightlight 

The pictures shine their images 

Against the wall and ceiling

A monkey 

A hippo

A few purple flowers

But the sweeter

And sweetest light is the one in your eyes

As these pure and simple images reflect in your iris

I push my forehead to your cheek

And then my cheek to your cheek

I am filled with so much love and joy and gratitude 

And I know in every single moment I experience with you 

I have to relish 

And cherish

And completely savor

As the months just keep on rushing by

Faster and faster 

And I think

How soft is your cheek

The sweetest softest soft

Pure love

Envelops all

Everything

Permeating every fiber

Every inch

Every cell

And as I sing to you one final taino 

Lullaby 

And your eyes burn and press 

Into my mine

Your mouth widening into a rainbow smile

My own eyes fill with tears of 

Gratitude

For this moment

For this gift 

For this precious 

Precious 

Life–

Victoria.

for tears

The baby jumps and plays today

laughter ringing through the air 

The fragmented sound 

lands on all it meets

like dust 

like snow 

like little raindrops 

like tiny fragile fears

We must 

be prepared 

For tears, 

she says. 

We must 

be prepared 

for 

tears–

baby

Finally the day is over

I can rest and weep and pray 

In silence

I can leap and sit and crawl

Like a baby 

As I watch my 

Baby 

Be a baby 

Baby 

Baby.