Bake

Picturing you 

A dream 

Awake

The kind of child

I will always love

The kind of womb 

That takes its time

The kind of creation

That crinkles in the eyes 

A love supreme 

A masterpiece 

Divine–

Traveling lens

See the world through my eyes 

She said 

Or walk a mile in my shoes

The idioms all the same

Cliches 

For what you would find is

That my world is quite like yours 

And so is the walk 

Long and arduous 

Room for growth 

And still more room for peace 

Wishing things away so I can focus on me 

But as the divine just intuited to me 

As it probably has been for days

Weeks

Months 

And probably years 

Inspiration comes from everywhere

You just have to do the damn work–

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I choose love

wandering the streets of NYC
I have a plan
to not have a plan
I slowly float over tiny brown puddles
waiting for you to get out of my way
sorry that was mean
I mean, I’m letting you pass first
stuck in between a black wrought iron fence
and a tiny yellow dandelion
I choose love
Yes,
I choose love–

Beach Ball

Listening to you
repeat every word I say
like it’s all new
it is new
it’s so
so
so very new to you
you pick up a piece and say red
it’s yellow
you pick up another piece
it’s yellow
you say yellow
the claymation on the screen
as I type this
says
“koo koo”
it’s Russian for
peek a boo
I didn’t understand why
until I heard you repeat it
(so much easier for babies)
and here we are
day after day
week after week
month after month
nearing the 2 year mark
and you are everything I hoped for
everything I dreamed of
more than I could have imagined
as we awaken another morning
rest unto another night
looking forward with glistening eyes
thanking the Lord
for another day here
to live in peace
and as much harmony
as my small mind
commands
as I will allow myself to feel
on this little
round
blue ball
called
Earth–

 

You will ever know–

Watching you smile
is a such a tender joy–
it unfolds like a flower
in fast forward
enveloping me like
wrapping paper
on a bundle of Christmas toys–
We get to share this
gift with you
day after day
and moment after
quick moment
ever so gently
over and over again
tied up with a laugh
so lovely with a bow
How soon you will change
How fast you will grow
I will still love you more
than you will
ever,
ever
know–

Motherhood

You’ve been waiting for this moment your entire life
dying slowly in the darkness
the morning light too bright for curtains
we hung up black sheets to block out
the rising sun
how many days and nights had passed
we never knew
just ripping out the damaged innards
to fill the void with something else:
pain, suffering, hollow denial
my eyes closed
eyelids drooped
Dropped
Fuzzy haze
Missed appointments
Wax candles
and nothing else
and yet
a glimmer of hope was there
behind that same curtain
Yes
Inside of me
Buried deep within
Beyond the void
we knew there was a different way
on that faint horizon
where
and when
we didn’t know either
or if ever
really
Yet time after time
in cold or soiled sheets
and sleepless nights
another go around
utter disillusionment
wickedly masked as pure
joy
white knuckle after
hard white knuckle
I somehow find myself
on the other side of the green
universe
not questioning how I got here
instead calling
on the ancient masters
and asking for
another bit of help
not in the same way I
asked for relief before
but in complete surrender
and humility to guide me to a new birth
and a new dawn
a new life
in what way
can I ever repay
you and thank
you for
this
awesome
gift
of
motherhood?

 

The Cord

The
red
pulsating
organ
has been
designed especially for me
for us
the cord
vibrates
bringing you sustenance
bringing you life
one of the many bonds that will
sustain us
that has sustained us
that will continue to sustain us
long after it has dried up and fallen off
it becomes invisible to others
yet you and I know it’s still there
synonymous with the cord
that ties my being to my mother
and her mother to her mother
and to all females
to all goddesses, to Mother Earth
and Father Sky
You and him
have brought forth this power
to he and I
and now us to her
and she will continue to drift
to develop her own
one link to another
a large chain of being
that
lasts
indomitably
for
all
eternity.

Two Souls, Two Hearts

Two souls, two hearts in one
How I long to meet you!
Moving inside me
I feel your body twist and turn…
which way, I’m not so sure–
the heart? the head? the arms?
your tiny little feet?
I also often wonder if your
soon to be
big brown eyes
are open or closed?
Knowing you can’t see
anything in my soft and dark
cocoon of a womb, I do know that
you can sense me, your mama,
with your wide open heart
as I feel you with mine,
all the time,
now and for
all our predetermined
eternity–

Divine Alchemy (or Everything will turn out okay)

Divine alchemy
resting on the shores of the placenta

The child looks up to the new organ
the only creation she sees for nine full months
in awe of
this magical tree of life,
sprouting
pink, red, pulsating, bloody, veined nutritious glory
for you–

like a tiny elephant in the womb,
we’ll all bask in its nourishment

until
violently
gently
naturally
we are
(you will be)
e x  t   r    a     p      o       l        a         t          e           d
trusting in the sacred process
trusting in the holy communion
trusting that
everything
everything
everything
will turn out simply
and lusciously
o
kay–

Start a New Day

My eyes still closed–
blackness envelops

the bedroom and all
the space around me.

with my third eye,
I look down upon

the wax figure that
represents my being

and I blow air into it,
billowing like a balloon

until it swells to the edges,
leaving no more space

to fill, and here, I’ve
woken up, my eyes are

now open, and I’m almost
(almost) ready to start a new

day.