The Queen

You stand up there
tall and proud
black and proud
with your nude lace up heels,
cheetah print maxi skirt
with a slit up the side
thick leather belt that
wraps around your black
skin tight leotard
covered by a light beige duster
with big tufts of fur on the collar–
I admire your look
and I admire you even more
after you tell the large crowd you are
68–
and then I admire you even more
as you begin to tell us about your life
how you left for four years
and came back just today
how people had run you out
when they were supposed to have
had your back
were supposed to have supported you
in your darkest, loneliest
most confusing moments
and instead, when you did not fit their
image of the “queen”
(which is what they called you
and you begged to differ)
they pretended you did not exist
and so you asked
(I ask)
what is this then
the program we call
a God-given program?
if we can’t see ourselves in each other
if we can’t remember that we are
all the same
that we all come from the same place
no matter our sexual identity, creed, religion
or lack of religion
and with that crack of your voice
the quavering of your chin
seducing one tear or more tears
out of my eyes
telling us all of your pain and suffering
I heard my story too
and his and her story
and probably everybody’s story
and I thought, well dammit
you are still the Queen
even if you are not in your eyes
but mine
and even if you weren’t or aren’t
the woman we should be bowing to
I still respect you for
being you
and sharing with me all of you
which makes me
a better person–

Only Had

You told me to read this
when I have time
a lot of time
it’s really long
and with that I knew
I had to
right now–
And so the writer tells us
of a time
in which he lost consciousness
after being pummeled during a football
game
for what seemed like many, many years.
He married, had children
and played with them often
loved them always.
There was a lamp he discussed
that he looked at from
time to time
and as time passed
the lamp began to take a new shape
look a little off
not seem to be right–
Until eventually
one day
the lamp
and its base
completely took on a new form
and here he was
again
lying
on the ground
no wife
no children
no sweet faces to kiss goodnight
and so
he was depressed
for 3 whole
years
realizing
then
that there is More
to this life
and others
we think we might
be living
just one
disconnect
and you lose
gain
all that you
thought
you
truly
only

had–

death

you texted so many times
complaining that you hadn’t heard
from your next door neighbor for days
I awoke to 77 or so texts between you
and our other sister
the worry in your voice
breaking through the tiny words on the screen
I told you to just
fucking call the cops
when it comes to things like that
there’s never time to worry
just time to act
and today
you told us
again
through text
that your neighbor is dead
Your fiancé
found him in a puddle of his
own vomit.
He had either overdosed
or just got sick
while he was
detoxing
41 years old
wife just left him.
he checked in
and checked out
of a rehab.
didn’t like its structure.
wanted to do things his way.
what was he thinking in his
last
final
moments
hovering over the bathroom sink
or maybe
falling in slow motion
onto the bathroom floor?
I hope that last sight or smell was somewhat
pleasurable
maybe that time you got a balloon
when you were 5 years old
flashed before you
or maybe it was one last final waft of
grandma’s cheesecake
before you hit the ground
before you took one
last
final
earthly
breath–

In the Sea, Christmas Time

Hanging dangling
angels from a tree
Whisper willow
secrets unto me
Hidden lights
and snowball fights
and unbeknownst
tears alight–
Walking down this
picture lane
of memories
of sights ablaze
The neighborhood
still reminds me
of all the dreams that’ll never be
of all the tiny Christmas trees
of
all
the
stars
inside
the
sea–

My Soulmate

You like my posts
buried underneath
photographs
twixt recipes
and other poems–
As I lay my head on
your shoulder this night
I mused how far we’ve come
not from
standing still
but moving here to there
traveling to the outer space
of our minds
into the sordid depths of
our disease and
then back again
through the healing fire
a prayer heard
a wish granted
sometimes so slow like
the crawl of this express train
sitting
waiting in the dark
looking beyond the black
I remembered how much
I love you
How very much
you are indeed
My one and only
My Soulmate–

Chance to

are you back yet
in the corner recesses of my mind
waiting
lurking
like a selfish bumble bee
sucking up all the
flower juices
stealing all the essence
before I have a
chance to breathe–

Welcome Autumn

Summer ends
Like fireflies
Blinking in
The night
Lost as to where
They are going
Found by the lust
In a young lover’s eyes
Trust that things will be
Different this time
Faith that we’ll resurrect
In the next life–

It felt like–

Tactile movies
slipping under my skin
reminding me of the dirty
streets
and uneven pavement
lonely basements
full of
lonely people
searching for “an angry fix”
looking for someone to fill the hole
unknowingly speaking with the universe
her gift to creator
was anguish and pain
if only someone could make that void
disappear
she might have been able to
move on with her life–
Instead
for now
oceans will cleanse
dark waves
will wash
away
your
teenage
sorrow–

Falling From Grace

Death
So heavy
Foreboding and
Cruel
You snatch away the souls of men
and women
before
they’re ever ready
before
we’re ever ready
before
I’m ever ready

Watching them all drift into
outer space
Like astronauts
No weight to call their own
Our deeds on Earth
I hope
will save us
from
falling
from
Your
Eternal
Grace–

You said it’s my grandma–

You called me into the
bedroom to see something
really special
you said

And on the windowsill
I saw
One large lustrous green parrot–

I thought
They don’t sit on
windowsills
around here

In fact
They don’t fly
around Brooklyn at all–

I had never seen such
beauty so close–

My fingers shook
as I struggled to
take a picture
and so
in that instant

He flew away
but came back again
with four of his
brothers and sisters
and as a team
as one family
they gathered up
their soft green wings
and quickly
disappeared into
the early Brooklyn morning–