The robbing fingers 

You inspired me once 

Please inspire me again 

Show me how to shut the off button 

And press the on to inside

Inside my soul

Inside my mind

To a place I fail to rewind to.

Lately I’ve been having these flashes 

Of people, places and things-

They come ever so often

Popping in my mind these unwelcome guests

The fingers unwelcome guests in my four year old vagina 

Watching cartoons while my mom and uncle talked at the kitchen table

How could you not notice that something 

Wasn’t right?

That I was being taken advantage of?

To put it more clearly-

That I was being molested by a family member?

His face I can’t recall

How old he was

What was his name…?

In my mind’s eye 

I feel a larger body spooning behind me

A being that knows what he’s doing is sinister and wrong

But some unsatiated animal and its hunger takes hold of his decision to choose right instead 

Robbing me of everything I had- eveything I could ever be- in that moment

Cheating me of any purity

Any innocence 

Any sense or chance of a “normal”

Childhood 

And I always wonder 

As I wonder now 

how and when will any of that be rectified? 

When do I get any of that freedom or joy back?

The place my soul was before the prying fingers 

The robbing fingers 

Took it all away–

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2 thoughts on “The robbing fingers 

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