What to do?

What is it about your presence
that makes me so angry
so on edge
so full of doubt and fear
gripping me to the bad parts of myself
the ones that loop obsessive thoughts
and spew negativity in my mind
throughout my body
I know that my insides mirror the universe
that I am a reflection of God
experiencing himself
and that if I just let go, I can learn to accept
but I find myself feeling helpless
Useless
Having no control–
What’s so hard about giving things up?
Letting others help?
Learning through the process?
I think it’s because my process has been
that no one has helped
I’ve been on my own,
self-reliant for some time
I never asked my parents for money
or a ride
or what they thought about my life choices–
So you, telling me what to do
When I tell you what I want to do

I actually don’t know what to do–
What do I want to do?

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