Introversion Part 1

Quiet
Black and blue spaces
faces
I can’t recall
But girls hurled words at me
dark and angry words.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just–

Pretending to be something
I wasn’t
in project living rooms
on old, tiled floors
Playing with My Little Pony
puzzle sets
all alone

Reading the anecdote
in Cain’s best selling book
I saw myself
to a T
exactly how I used to be
I wonder how one could know
now so late and after all these
roller coaster years–

And even the best parts of me
want to blame my mother.
I see us again
in scentless, awkward places
and I feel like I should see you telling
talking to me
explaining how things could be different
But somehow in silence
I am shamed
by your silence
I am told that it’s not okay
to be me
to be quiet
to be independently
intellectually
free–

So
here I am with words
lingering
Feeling for the next line
I look up and realize
Fall has certainly come
earlier this year
as a cool breeze slides through
my open window.

And how my mood has changed
I am no longer angry
I wish that I could forgive you though
I wish that I could forgive–

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