Tag Archives: teenage

Possibility

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Sitting here
contemplating ways to keep busy
I am reminded of the
endless boredom
of teenage  years long past
prisoner on my living room floor
1,000 mile (yard) stare
into the horizon of nothingness
no faith in the future
No idea of what would happen
My feeble imagination could not
fathom anything else and yet
here we are

What feels so stale is
in fact
as fresh as it will ever be
until tomorrow
when I will continue to meet
a new
me–

 

how close

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Today
a new book fell on my lap
more like a collection of
articles
and opinion pieces
and blog posts
written by a 16 year old
and her older counterparts
She interviewed them on many
a topic
from jitters to secrets to masturbation.
As I scrutinized the first few lines
–nay–
paragraphs
and glazed over the rest,
I found myself looking at myself
my
self
16 years ago
“clumsy and shy”–
amidst the muted pinks
and tumblr flowers
and collage of pics and doodles
kitties and safety pins
polka dots and anti-chagrin
I began
to wonder how much is me
how much is you
how much we’re all just the same
how much is new
how much further do I have to go to find
someone writing as the me I am now
how far I’ve come
how distant the teenage years seem
and yet
how close

It felt like–

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Tactile movies
slipping under my skin
reminding me of the dirty
streets
and uneven pavement
lonely basements
full of
lonely people
searching for “an angry fix”
looking for someone to fill the hole
unknowingly speaking with the universe
her gift to creator
was anguish and pain
if only someone could make that void
disappear
she might have been able to
move on with her life–
Instead
for now
oceans will cleanse
dark waves
will wash
away
your
teenage
sorrow–

15 and Shy

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You said that
“Memories are tied to feelings”
and I see and feel one clearly
the one where I’m walking down the steps off the 18th avenue stop
I see you forcing him to kiss
your feet and it’s really
awkward for me, but I’m silently
happy, I guess, because this
is the best I can do right now,
today, and maybe ever
until the next time
the next life
the next reincarnation,
in which, by that point,
none of it
will really
even
matter.