The College Search

sitting in this warm room
where students go to meet their needs
they want to go to college
to explore their current wants and desires
I remember being in this sort of room
so many years ago
how did I know to go downstairs and
talk to the college advisor
speaking with him was cloudy
even back then
the skeletal frame of mine
short black hair
bangs
red lipstick
long gray coat with 
white fur around the collar
chipped black nail polish to boot
I was the self-proclaimed queen of
shopping by myself on 
8th street
scouring the shoe stores for a hot deal
I somehow managed to sweetly settle
into isolation without knowing there
could be something better
more manageable in terms of
learning how to love myself
by loving others
or in being of service to others
I could in it 
find myself
but now I find myself sitting here
thinking of the college search
comparing mine to theirs
knowing their journey will be just
as fruitful
because the universe wants everything
for you
for them
for itself
reflecting its ever effervescent light
to shine
up and
down
for one small second
lighting a fire 
in the dim hearts
of man–

Welcome Autumn

Summer ends
Like fireflies
Blinking in
The night
Lost as to where
They are going
Found by the lust
In a young lover’s eyes
Trust that things will be
Different this time
Faith that we’ll resurrect
In the next life–

5 am Prayer

My prayer for the morning
is that I will have the strength
to pump on
to feed you
to give you what you need
to pull up the energy
from the deepest part of my core
if I have to,
to turn on the faucet
and let the hot water run
down my face
washing yesterday’s news
away
I need to start this new day
with enough gusto
and perseverance
and positivity
that nothing will seep
into the not so awesome cracks–
I need to be so filled with your love
my love
that even the most nasty wisecrack
will seem like a welcome dandelion
showing me how pain does bring pleasure
showing me how challenges can indeed
make anyone grow–

Everything Works if You Believe It

Today
out of desperation
and to try the “alternative view”
I went to a Chinese doctor.
His name was Dr. Wong.
He was short, 
and nice,
and wore faded brown pants. 
His office was on Division Street
in beloved Chinatown
in between dumpling houses
and hipster bars–
He asked me a few questions,
felt my pulse,
looked at my tongue.
He said “bad circulation” and
“low immune system.”
“Caused by what?”
“Hormonal imbalance,
stress–“
I got some acupuncture
and cupping therapy.
He said “relax” and
let the fire work on me
sucking out the bad energy.
There was some laugher too.
He gave me some green Chinese herbs
that I need to put on my body
where it hurts
before I go to sleep
and then take them off 
in the morning
when I wake up.
I hope
it 
works.

 

It felt like–

Tactile movies
slipping under my skin
reminding me of the dirty
streets
and uneven pavement
lonely basements
full of
lonely people
searching for “an angry fix”
looking for someone to fill the hole
unknowingly speaking with the universe
her gift to creator
was anguish and pain
if only someone could make that void
disappear
she might have been able to
move on with her life–
Instead
for now
oceans will cleanse
dark waves
will wash
away
your
teenage
sorrow–